I think my husband hates me and our kids?

I am so sad. My husband goes out of town all the time, never comes home after work and if he does we just fight because he smokes a bowl and falls asleep. He is terrible to our children, swearing at them most of the time because they touched his stuff, or ruined or broke something. He doesn't want to have sex with me because after a month of not getting any I start getting bitchy and naggy about it so he turns it around on me and then THAT becomes the reason we don't have sex. Our kids ( 8 and 3)are so so naughty, screaming, swearing, fighting with one another all of the time because THAT is what they see us do. He has no interest in BEING a family, DOING and LOVING and CARING instead of just saying " i love you " (which lemme tell you, with no actions to back it up, they, LITERALLY, are only words). I want him home, I love him but when he is here I am so resentful, or the kids are so naughty, or SOMETHING happens and we end up fighting. On the phone, in person.. it doesn't matter I've caught him with naked photos online years ago, a couple of times and more recently he had started smoking cigarettes and lied to me about it for almost a year. Why lie to me ?He says it is because I freak out... I freak out sometimes ( THo am studying Buddhism so I have been much more tempered) because it just doesn't make sense to make decisions based upon ONE persons needs or wants really when there are four of us. To him it's him, only him. He said he never wants to change, he doesn't want to get old and grow up (he will be 29 in August) and he still likes what he likes. I feel like there really is NO place for us in his life anymore. I don't want to leave him but I don't want to stay. I am lost, confused and honestly? SUFFERING... But so are our children. I try to tell him they are REAL people, we are raising people that are growing up to be children, teens, young adults, adults, parents etc etc. I dunno. I better stop now. **PLEASE DONT INDICATE HE IS SEEING SOMEONE ELSE, I HAVE CONSIDERED THAT POSSIBILITY, I AM LOOKING MORE FOR A SOLUTION TO THE PROBLEM AND NOT THE CAUSE OF THE PROBLEMS